


Clutching at Life

by Cookies_and_Chaos



Category: Cold Case
Genre: Gen, Near Death Experiences, Nightmares, Shooting, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:48:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28155594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cookies_and_Chaos/pseuds/Cookies_and_Chaos
Summary: Kat's the only one Will can really ask whether the nightmares every stop. Written for the 12 Days of Christmas Challenge 2020, Day Eight, "Eight Gun Barrels".
Kudos: 1
Collections: 12 Days of Christmas Challenge 2020





	Clutching at Life

Kat looked up from her paperwork as Will sank into the chair beside her desk and rested his walking stick against the side of his chair.

"Hey," Kat said, returning her attention to the papers so she could finish the paragraph she was reading. "Just a sec."

Like every other paragraph so far in the box of documents she was going through, there was a big fat nothing worth knowing for the case. She sighed and pushed the file away from her and swivelled around. She had thought that perhaps Will was going to ask if she wanted to go grab some coffee or go to the cafe around the corner with him and pick up a box of those pastries that everyone seemed to sense arriving and wriggle out of the woodwork for. Last time they'd bought a box, detectives Kat had never even met had just appeared. But Will didn't have a 'I need to get out of this place for a bit' expression on his face. In stark contrast to every other day, Will's face was haggard and drawn, and his stubble was at least a couple of days old. His clothes were still neat and pressed, lovingly ironed and presented, but the toll of what had happened was clear everywhere else.

"It ever stop? The nightmares?" Will asked.

Kat should have figured Will would come to her. It was one of those horrors where you only really understood the shockwaves after if you had gone through it yourself. And sure, Lil had gone through it too but trying to get any kind of talk out of her about what had happened was damned near impossible. Lilly had walled herself away, as though hiding inside a cocoon would protect her from everything and anything that would come after. As if talking about it meant it hadn't really happened, even if your breath still caught in a sharp halt when you glanced in the mirror and saw the scar. No-one could seem to convince her that wasn't a healthy way to cope and Kat had damn well tried.

"In time," Kat said, picking up a pen to fiddle with, "first they start to just happen less and you gotta deal with that for a long time."

"Feels like my heart is going to explode, like my lungs are collapsing and then I see Vera's face staring at me, begging me not to die." Will breathed out heavily and barked out a laugh. "You imagine? If that had been the last damn thing I saw in this world? Vera's ugly mug?"

Kat chuckled too because this seemed like the sort of conversation that needed a little bit of levity.

"I don't want to sleep most nights. I get these thoughts that I can't seem to get rid of about how I might close my eyes and there's something they missed and I just...never wake up." Will's eyes misted over and he looked away to hide them from Kat.

"I used to get up six or seven times in the night, go through and sit with Veronica. Thought that if I was awake and looking after her while she slept, nothing bad could happen. I mean, that made no sense because bad stuff can happen anywhere but we do what we gotta do to feel in control," Kat said.

"Don't feel like I've got a whole lot of that these days," Will admitted. "For now, I'd just settle for not staring down the barrel of a gun every time I close my eyes."

"It takes time. Cliched and bullshit but it's all I've got. All anyone's got as far as I can tell," Kat said, gently putting her hand on Will's arm. "You survived. Everything else is gonna take some time."

"Yeah. I figured." Will pushed himself back to his feet and took up his stick. "Thanks. You want to go grab a box of pastries with me, see how many folks we don't know come crawling out the woodwork?"

"Sure."


End file.
